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As the month of May winds down I’ve been thinking a lot about, well, “thought”.
In terms of creating a better life or cultivating happiness, I don’t think that there is anything more important or more powerful than “thought work”.
For me, thought work involves consciously and consistently checking in with myself often throughout the day to notice what I am thinking. I check in to see what I’m thinking about myself and what I’m saying to myself about situations and people as I go through my day. In particular, I am looking to notice happy or uplifting thoughts and also negative, unhappy, unkind or critical thoughts towards myself and others.
Why am I doing that? What purpose does it serve and why does it matter?
Let me explain…
In 2005, the National Science Foundation published their study findings on human thoughts per day.
They found that the average person has about 12,000-60,000 thoughts per day. Of those thousands of thoughts, 80% were negative, and 95% were exactly the same repetitive thoughts as the day before. So every day most of us are thinking overwhelmingly negative thoughts and they are the same every day! Day in and day out.
They also found that our brains have a default “mode” which is active during rest and when our mind wanders. When we’re in this mode we’re generally thinking about ourselves, our goals and our relationships with others. So think about that. That basically suggests that when our minds are left to wander, we’re thinking the same mostly negative thoughts and they’re mostly about ourselves!
For a lot of people those thoughts are allowed to run wild like a ticker tape below a screen or a software program running in the back ground. They’re running on default mode and completely unware of it. They’re subconsciously taking in this self abuse and it’s undermining they’re lives. Their thoughts tell them they’re stupid, dumb and incapable. They weave stories of not being good enough or how bad they are and how bad everything is with self-criticism and self-judgment.
But you know what? At the end of the day they are just thoughts. It’s our perception and feelings that we attach to the thought that causes us pain. We are free to choose which thoughts we give our attention to. We can actually shut down certain thoughts or even choose to ignore them. I’m not talking about repressing anything, I’m simply suggesting that not every thought is true. Not every thought is serving us and just because you see it floating by doesn’t mean you need to invite it in for chips and dip.
At the very least, once you become aware of what you are thinking you can question it. For instance, is the thought true? If you find yourself ruminating or in a negativity loop it’s important to be able to recognize it so that you can create some space between you and it or any triggering thought.
Once you gain the awareness, you can question the thought and you can decide if you want to sit with it or shut it down. Whatever you do you do so with choice.
Becoming aware of our thoughts matters because our thoughts create our emotions. It matters because the source of unhappiness is our negative thoughts.
Painful thoughts about the past is where regret comes from and worrisome thoughts about our future is where our anxiety comes from.
Continuous negative thoughts can create a negativity loop, leading to rumination and keeping us stuck in a story of victimhood.
We all have a story.
You have yours. I have mine. Everything that I have experienced in my life has brought me here to where I am today. I feel strong. I feel grounded. I am proud of the woman I am today and grateful for all that I’ve learned. Yet, in order to stay out of the pain of my story, or victimhood, I need to monitor my thoughts.
Pain is part of life and honestly, pain is a powerful teacher. I acknowledge pain, feel it and then let it go. If I can’t let it go, I’m either ruminating or not practicing self forgiveness.
So, I check in with myself to see how I’m doing. I’m trying to notice whether or not I’m feeling happy, sad or anxious. If I’m feeling bad or off it’s because of something I’m thinking. And if I stop and notice my thoughts it gives me an opportunity to challenge them and I can question their validity. 90% of the time when they are negative, they are not valid. If it’s not valid I let it go. I shut it down.
I literally say stop to myself.
If the thought is valid and unhappy, I take steps to neutralize the thought with forgiveness towards myself or whomever and let it go.
On the other hand, positive thoughts and gratitude create more positive thoughts and gratitude. So you can see why it’s been said that Gratitude is the doorway to abundance. Gratitude is expansive. Happy and grateful thoughts create more happy and grateful thoughts.
So the goal is focus more of our attention on gratitude and uplifting thoughts and less on the negative ones.
This takes practice. It takes awareness. But we can choose our thoughts.
What we think about we bring about.
What we energize intensifies.
Energy goes where energy flows.
The idea that what we think repeatedly shapes who we are is nothing new.
Ancient Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu wrote one of my favorite quotes/poems:
watch your words, they become your actions;
watch your actions, they become your habits;
watch your habits, they become your character;
watch your character, it becomes your destiny.
We are the creators of our reality and that reality is formed by our thoughts and what we believe.
A lot of what we believe goes way back to our formative years, but with practice we can unravel the thoughts and beliefs that are not serving us now or supporting who we want to be as we glow older.
It takes awareness. It’s an ongoing practice and one that requires self love and self compassion because we are human.
It’s never our circumstance that is the cause of our pain, rather it’s what we think and believe about it that is painful. And that is our point of control. That is where our power is.
The path to a happy and fulfilling future lies in the quality of our thoughts.
We can choose our thoughts. The choice is yours. Choose happy and grateful ones.
And keep on glowing! you’ve got this!
I tend to think a lot and write a lot while I’m in my pj’s which explains the picture at the top of the post.
These are currently my favorite pj’s from Tommy John. I’ll leave the link for you in case you’re in the market for buttery soft jammies!!
Link ⬇️